Welcome to my viscera.
mslorelei:

The backlog of rape kits makes me sick. Kym Worthy makes me stand up and cheer. Somebody CARES. She’s willing to kick ass and keep working to bring justice to the rape victims and stop serial rapists.
missveryvery:


Rapists, Beware: Detroit Prosecutor IDs 21 Attackers in ‘Rape Kit’ Investigation
“Kym Worthy has identified 21 serial rapists so far in a sweeping investigation that could have national implications. Abigail Pesta reports on the crusade to eliminate the rape-kit backlog.
Twenty-one serial rapists have been identified in a massive investigation led by Detroit prosecutor Kym Worthy—and her manhunt has only just begun.”

 ”The thousands of rape kits had piled up in a dusty police warehouse in Detroit for years, ignored, until one of Worthy’s colleagues stumbled upon them in 2009.” Are you fucking shitting me.
“No one really paid attention to what I was saying and yelling about till about four months in,” she says. People finally took notice, she says, when someone in the police department leaked the news to the press. <— oh good, we just have to fucking publicly shame the police into doing any fucking thing.
“In one especially horrific case, Worthy says, a convicted rapist named Shelly Andre Brooks had raped and murdered five women after raping a woman whose kit was just recently entered into the database through Worthy’s initiative. If that rape kit had been tested and entered into the database sooner, the man could have been caught sooner—and five women’s lives could have been saved.” OH MY GOD.
The arrest rate for rape, 24 percent, has barely budged in the past three decades, she says, noting that it’s not because many cases are unsolved but uninvestigated. OH MY GOD.
I’m just going to point people at this when they think rape’s always taken seriously by the cops.


This is why I have no patience for people on the Fetlife thread about naming abusers who keep spouting off about “taking it to the cops” and “letting the law deal with it” THE COPS DON’T GIVE A FUCK. WE CAN ONLY PROTECT EACH OTHER.

mslorelei:

The backlog of rape kits makes me sick. Kym Worthy makes me stand up and cheer. Somebody CARES. She’s willing to kick ass and keep working to bring justice to the rape victims and stop serial rapists.

missveryvery:

Rapists, Beware: Detroit Prosecutor IDs 21 Attackers in ‘Rape Kit’ Investigation

“Kym Worthy has identified 21 serial rapists so far in a sweeping investigation that could have national implications. Abigail Pesta reports on the crusade to eliminate the rape-kit backlog.

Twenty-one serial rapists have been identified in a massive investigation led by Detroit prosecutor Kym Worthy—and her manhunt has only just begun.”

 ”The thousands of rape kits had piled up in a dusty police warehouse in Detroit for years, ignored, until one of Worthy’s colleagues stumbled upon them in 2009.” Are you fucking shitting me.

“No one really paid attention to what I was saying and yelling about till about four months in,” she says. People finally took notice, she says, when someone in the police department leaked the news to the press. <— oh good, we just have to fucking publicly shame the police into doing any fucking thing.

“In one especially horrific case, Worthy says, a convicted rapist named Shelly Andre Brooks had raped and murdered five women after raping a woman whose kit was just recently entered into the database through Worthy’s initiative. If that rape kit had been tested and entered into the database sooner, the man could have been caught sooner—and five women’s lives could have been saved.” OH MY GOD.

The arrest rate for rape, 24 percent, has barely budged in the past three decades, she says, noting that it’s not because many cases are unsolved but uninvestigated. OH MY GOD.

I’m just going to point people at this when they think rape’s always taken seriously by the cops.

This is why I have no patience for people on the Fetlife thread about naming abusers who keep spouting off about “taking it to the cops” and “letting the law deal with it” THE COPS DON’T GIVE A FUCK. WE CAN ONLY PROTECT EACH OTHER.

theriotmag:

Well, we can only assume he does.  Akin recently stated that he has spoken to doctors who have told him that, in cases of “legitimate rape,” the female body has biological defenses to prevent pregnancy.
It is possible that he has somehow confused human vaginas with duck vaginas, which have evolved natural defenses against rape-happy male ducks.
I now ask you, ladies and gentlemen, how does one confuse a human vagina with a duck vagina?  Hmm?
The answer is clear: Todd Akin fucks ducks.  He is a duckfucker. 
Maybe this isn’t true, but since Akin feels no need to check his facts re: human biology or his fucked-up use of the term “legitimate rape,” I’m not feeling too keen on checking mine re: his duckfucking or lack there-of.
So, it’s pretty simple.  Don’t vote for this duckfucker right here.

I think duckfucker is my favorite new insult.

theriotmag:

Well, we can only assume he does.  Akin recently stated that he has spoken to doctors who have told him that, in cases of “legitimate rape,” the female body has biological defenses to prevent pregnancy.

It is possible that he has somehow confused human vaginas with duck vaginas, which have evolved natural defenses against rape-happy male ducks.

I now ask you, ladies and gentlemen, how does one confuse a human vagina with a duck vagina?  Hmm?

The answer is clear: Todd Akin fucks ducks.  He is a duckfucker. 

Maybe this isn’t true, but since Akin feels no need to check his facts re: human biology or his fucked-up use of the term “legitimate rape,” I’m not feeling too keen on checking mine re: his duckfucking or lack there-of.

So, it’s pretty simple.  Don’t vote for this duckfucker right here.

I think duckfucker is my favorite new insult.

…and the rape (finally) hits the fan on FetLife

sinshine:

DreamsOfSpider:

Why is it more ethical for someone to tell all their friends (who presumably tell all their friends, etc.) that Mr. Bad Top is bad news, v. posting a journal entry saying “Mr. Bad Top is bad news”? As far as I can see, if Mr. Bad Top is innocent, he’s in a better position in the second case — he’s more likely to find out that he’s being accused, and he can then speak up with his side of the story.

This snippet is good enough, but then I went and read the post it was commenting on, which I’ma repost here before it gets fucking disappeared:

I just received the following email.

Note | 646 Comments · 594 Love It |4 days ago

Hi there,
I’m a caretaker with the FetLife team. Recently we had a report about your writing, and after review, your writing has been edited and we are writing to let you know. Basically, it’s really not cool to post something that accuses another member of FetLife of a crime. So, we’re giving you a heads up that this behavior is discouraged on our site.
Please know that continued posts like this will result in a warning, and continued warnings can get you removed from FetLife. We really hate to do that, so we hope you’ll avoid any inappropriate comments in the future.
If you’re having a problem or conflict with another user – we want to help! Please let us know what’s going on, so that we can get involved and help to resolve the issue. We’d much rather do that, than play the bad guy :) We hope you understand, and if you have any questions or comments please don’t hesitate to get back to us.
Christopher

This Caretaker edited my journal entry to remove the names of MATTHEW, who is not a user of the site anymore and another dominant member of the New York City scene who sexually penetrated me without my consent. He also removed a comment on the journal entry by @Cashmere, who stated that that same site user had similarly sexually penetrated her after she had explicitly told him not to interact with her genitals or penetrate her in any way.

I’m going to say that again: CHRISTOPHER EDITED MY JOURNAL ENTRY TO DELETE A REFERENCE TO TWO PEOPLE WHO SEXUALLY ASSAULTED ME AND ANOTHER PERSON.

EDIT

>Dear yandy,

What you’ve gone through is terrible, and no one should ever have to go through it. As we’ve told you before, we’re totally fine with you talking about your experiences here on FetLife.
Unfortunately making criminal accusations is not currently allowed on FetLife, as you very well know. And now we’ve received another report of you making criminal accusations. Accordingly, we have edited out that part of that post as well, and are now giving you an official FetLife warning.
Please note – we are trying to make as minor of changes as we can to your posts, to preserve their integrity as much as we can while still keeping them within our rules. If there is anything we can help you with, please let us know
Christopher

EDIT

Dear yandy,
What has happened to you is terrible. No one is trying to deny that – not anyone that I have seen in that thread or elsewhere. And people who do that sort of thing to any other human beings should pay. They should have to pay for what they did to you. No matter what price they pay, that won’t restore you to the person you were before this occurred. But they damn well should have to pay to make it as close as possible!
Unfortunately, what you are trying to do doesn’t make that happen. Making criminal accusations is currently against FetLife rules, as you are very aware of. And those we will delete, but try to do so in such a manner as to change your writing or comments as little as possible.
I realize that you don’t agree with this policy. I wish that we could move forward together, to foster awareness of the problem within the community, to try to minimize the mindset among some who don’t seem to realize how wrong this is, and to help victims of sexual assault within our community in particular. Those things we stand ready to help foster and assist.
Christopher

Then thispost, as a response.

Hey Fetlife, you want my money? STOP PROTECTING RAPISTS.

Journal Entry | 410 Comments · 503 Love It |4 days ago

I’ve been on this site since the year it started and have paid to support it since. I love how it brings together even the farthest corners of the bdsm world, and it’s played an integral role in my career as a bdsm professional and businesswoman.

My support subscription ran out a week or so ago. At one point, I was certain that I was going my renewal would be as a lifetime supporter. Lately, I’ve been ambivalent, and THIS just clinches it.

Seriously Fet, WHAT THE FUCK. You silence victims and survivors while giving abusers a fucking megaphone. You want my money? Not until we’re able to talk freely about our own abuse and violation without censorship. And to anyone invested in establishing a consent culture in the bdsm world… well, money talks.

OFFICIAL PROTEST PETITION: No money until we pass Prop 429

Breaking news

Notice that the protest event above has been deleted by Fet, with no explanation or warning given to any of us. I guess it was working! Two more protest events have now taken its place.

Protest!
Protest!

Just in case anyone is curious, THIS is the reason I don’t hang out on FetLife. But wait, there’s more…

From the man himself, John Baku, site founder:

Clueless Response #1

In response to your “Edited again”:
Rape is one of the worse crimes anyone can commit. Words can’t describe how disgusting rape is and how much hate I have for anyone who has in any way shape or form sexually assaulted another person.
And the only way to protect others from a sexual offender is by putting them behind bars. Not talking about them on FetLife, Facebook, writing a blog post on the interwebs… etc. It does not prevent this person from doing what they did again to someone else.
Agreed… the legal system has failed many a person… but all this energy should be spent improving the system and not allowing other to name their abusers on a site that is not setup, nor has the resources, to give a fair trial to both parties.
So let’s put our energy towards locking up the rapists and throwing away the keys! This way those who have raped can’t do it again and those who would ever consider rape would be so scared shitless of the consequences they would never even consider it.

Clueless Response #2

@yandy Once again I apologize for the way Christopher handled the case. The case was mishandled and we’ve spoken to him about it.
The overall health of FetLife’s community is by far our number one priority and that is why all of us spend so much time reading what people are saying.
I’ve read suggestion 429 and I’ve also read a lot of other discussions on the topic. From what I’ve read, the community is split on what direction FetLife should take so as a community we need to continue to push our ideas further until we find something that the community, overwhelmingly, can get behind.
Hence, we will continue to iterate over our policies and procedures as we discover new ways to make them better for the community.

Let me just stop for a second and say something I definitely would not be allowed to say on FetLife regarding this choice bit:

Words can’t describe how disgusting rape is and how much hate I have for anyone who has in any way shape or form sexually assaulted another person. - John Baku

John Baku sexually assaulted me. Drunk. At a kink party. In front of many others. I have pictures, which he has personally asked me not to post.

In that I had met him before and was sort of fond of him and he sort of reminded me of another drunk misbehaving dumbass I once loved, I laughed it off. But let it be clear - the reason John sees no problem with any of this rape apologist bullshit is because he has a foggy ass notion of consent and acceptable behavior himself.

And because HE PERSONALLY benefits from people like me staying silent.

About the policy itself, from other members:

Ninotchka:

It’s not that Facebook permits criminal accusations because they’re sympathetic to potential rape victims and what the hey, we’re a massive company, who cares if we get sued. Every company out to make a profit doesn’t want to get sued. Facebook in fact, does permit criminal accusations to be made via Facebook before they are decided by a trial, sometimes with unusual results. Facebook doesn’t take a stance on criminal accusations because it’s not their fucking problem. The second they try to control it, they create a precedent for deciding that it is their fucking problem - and then they’re going to have to answer the question of why they didn’t comb through a seriously gigantic amount of data to find all the shit that a judge or a jury thinks they ought to have found. That’s not how Facebook’s going to roll. If you have a problem with something someone said on Facebook, Facebook will cheerfully direct you to your local law enforcement.

Take a look at that. That’s how a company with a legit team on counsel handles their business, as opposed to John Baku and whatever dinky mail-order law-school drop-out he picked up at the local bar five years ago or whatever the fuck he did instead of trying to run his business like something other than a clueless fuckhead. If you’re going to cover your ass, cover your ass fucking properly.

Right. So. FetLife is Canadian, so oh noes we cannot name the rapists. Yes, Canada does have much stronger privacy laws than the United States. I wonder if that’s why they’re running this shit out of Dallas. John Baku is based out of Vancouver, but his staff is scattered all over North America. Honestly, we don’t even know to what extent FetLife “is” a Canadian company. According to what I just linked to, they registered their domain in Arizona. I think that complicates the “oh no we’re Canadian” defense a wee bit.

But what really complicates the “oh noes they’re naming the rapists” argument is the whole “oh noes they’re talking about pedophilia and bestiality and whatnot but oh hey watch us not give a shit” argument. If FetLife really had legal reasons for covering their ass, they’d do a much better job. That means that, yeah, John Baku needs to step up and tell us why he supports a self-admitted abuser’s right to not have his old username besmirched over the right of a human being to talk about some devastating shit that happened to them. Shit that they might’ve not had to go through if people could use FetLife to warn each other about people on FetLife. Which is all we’re asking.

tl;dr Fuck you, FetLife. Fuck you raw.

MataLeao

If another person who has had no fucking experience reporting a kink scene related sexual assault to the police says to report an incident to the police, I swear I am going to burn the fucking Internet down.

TheValeyard:

If one more goddamn person says “Go to the cops”, I’m firebombing.

LIke the cops are going to do fuck-all. Seriously.

This is so fucked up.

See also: http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/theres-a-war-on-part-4-just-us/

And this:

Mad_Patter: 

Honestly, if someone’s advice is to go to the police or the courts, then that should be the same standard applied to libel and false accusations. If someone makes a false accusation against you, go to the police. Stop expecting fetlife to police people for you. Oh wait, now we see why that response is just a derail.
Fifty Shades & The “Philadelphia Incident”

thewomaninsideme:

Considering the popularity of this book, this kind of discution is not only relevant, but also essential

hidingfromsomeone:

I’m not really sure if this is the best place to voice these opinions and concerns. And I’m not really sure if it’s my place to be voicing them at all. This whole topic isn’t easy for me to discuss (it’s very personal) but I’ve never been very good at keeping my mouth shut when I think I have a point to make. 

So - I’ve found over recent weeks two different hot topics that I’ve been paying attention to have apparently dovetailed.

I’m talking about the Fifty Shades of Grey series, an adapted Twilight- fan fiction which has been published and hit the New York Times Bestsellers list, and what people in the BDSM community have been calling the “Philadelphia Incident”.

To briefly bring those not familiar with either topic up to date; Fifty Shades of Grey is a story that deals with a young, naive virgin who enters into a domination and submission relationship with an older, powerful, controlling man. Eventually she manages to bring out his softer side and the two fall in love.

The “Philadelphia Incident” concerns a younger, inexperienced female submissive who entered into a domination and submission relationship with an older dominant man. Her limits were violated and she was forced to enter into oral sex with the man against her will. Some people in the BDSM community are calling this rape. Some people have suggested that the submissive woman consented. Others have criticised the submissive woman for not fully understanding what she was getting herself into. The young woman has now been run out of her home due to the criticism, publicity and notoriety she has faced.

Hopefully my point is already becoming clear.

In her novels E L James romanticizes the BDSM community, takes elements of ‘play’ out of context and dramatises what many would consider to be extremely unsafe D/s practice. The female in the story enters into ‘scenes’ which she is unsure about, where limits have not been pre-discussed or agreed, and where she is abandoned post-scene on more than one occasion with no after care or conversation about what had happened during the session.

The novel completely ignores elements of safe play that those familiar with the BDSM community would immediately recognise. RACK stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink. SSC stands for Safe, Sane and Consensual. (Note the repeated word in both anagrams). This topic is completely ignored or glossed over in James’ novels and, considering the reaction they have amassed, this is a concern.

Safe BDSM play can be amazing. I can say this as someone who has both dominated others and submitted to others in a range of situations. It is something that I rarely discuss other than with those in the community for fear of repercussions - BDSM is fairly misunderstood by the wider public. In the right circumstances, with the right forethought, planning, and discussion then there are still hundreds of ways a session can go wrong. I have been mid-session with someone who I love very much, in a safe place, when we were both fully aware of each other’s limits. And I panicked. And ended up vomiting into the toilet and crying into his chest. This was an isolated incident, and we weren’t doing anything particularly risky at the time. But I still panicked. Fortunately my partner was fantastic at releasing me quickly and soothing me afterwards. Even with the best of intentions things can still go very wrong.

Although I have not followed reaction to James’ novel closely, one article I recently read criticising the BDSM elements in the story was met with comments from a reader expressing that the story is fantasy, not unlike the Harry Potter stories or Twilight, and not as a how-to guide of BDSM.

Firstly, thank God this isn’t a how-to guide of BDSM because James clearly has little, if any experience of D/s relationships. Secondly, this point in particular scared me more than any other I read.

If one was to dress in a cloak and wand and pretend to be a wizard, short of poking an eye out there is a limited amount of danger that could occur.

If a young woman with no experience of BDSM was to make her way into the community and play with an older man when she herself was unaware of her own limits, very terrible things can happen, as demonstrated recently in Philadelphia. Comparing Fifty Shades to Harry Potter is simply ludicrous, on many levels. There are many different layers and elements to BDSM, starting at fluffy handcuffs and ending in blood, tears and rape. Someone pretending to be a wizard will not experience these things.

The second point made by the same commenter was that James never intended for the novel to be so popular, it was released for a very small audience only and she was surprised at the reaction it has received. I don’t think this argument holds much weight either. I’m writing this article for the consumption of a very small audience too. I do not expect many people to read or react to it. Does that excuse me from factual accuracy? Not at all. If my article goes viral and thousands of people read it then I am still responsible for the words that I have put out there.

Finally, I want to reiterate that a huge majority of people in the BDSM community recognise our vulnerability (BDSM is actually illegal in the United States - yes, illegal - I’m fortunate to live in the UK) and as such, instances such as the “Philadelphia Incident” are rare. Most people play by the rules of RACK. Most people are responsible for themselves, for their partners, and there is a strong sense of ‘mentoring’ to ensure that newbies to the community are watched and are able to learn from those with more experience. Despite all this, it’s too easy for things to be taken just that one step too far with disastrous results.

I feel like it is my responsibility as one of the people who bridges the gap between the BDSM community and the Fifty Shades readership to speak out against the practices shown in the series. Please, please - if you are a single woman who has read these stories and wants to explore the topics contained therein, do everything you can to not follow in the footsteps of both E L James’ characters and the young girl in Philadelphia. Take your time. Find someone you can trust. Be safe. 

(Please feel free to re-blog, re-post, re-tweet, link, copy, plagiarize, do whatever the hell you want with the above. It would be nice if you credited it back to me but in truth, if you want to stick this somewhere else where it might be seen by more people, please, do it. I’m not precious. Spread the word.

iandsharman:

glowtwins:

myadamantiumheart:

thinkerofmeanthoughts:

thisnoiseismusic:

Hi, there. I’m wearing a shirt that reads “Kill Me”. If you saw me at a party or on the street would you promptly murder me? What about if I had a few drinks? What if I was walking alone at night?I’m guessing that you wouldn’t if you’re a sane individual. The cops wouldn’t overlook your crime because of what I’m wearing because that’s silly. I wasn’t literally asking for you to kill me based on my choice of clothing. Who would take that defense seriously?
My friends wouldn’t blame me for being murdered and my killer would be behind bars almost instantly. So, why is it okay to rape someone because they’re wearing promiscuous clothes? Why does THEIR choice of clothing excuse THEIR attacker? It doesn’t. You’re silly if you think otherwise. The less guilt on the attacker. The more guilt on victim. Stop. Victim. Blaming.

Holy fuck. This guy gets it. 

Yep.

Damn Right.

Yup. Spot on. I hate the suggestion that there’s some mysterious amount of flesh which once displays causes a man to lose control of his ability to not rape someone. What I find particularly disturbing about that idea is that it implies that men are constantly fighting the urge to rape. That men are naturally and instinctively rapists and that women covering themselves up is the only thing that can possibly keep their urges under control. That is just plain bullshit…if you’re a man and you ever find yourself struggling with the urge to rape then you are mentally ill and you need to seek help.

iandsharman:

glowtwins:

myadamantiumheart:

thinkerofmeanthoughts:

thisnoiseismusic:

Hi, there.
I’m wearing a shirt that reads “Kill Me”.
If you saw me at a party or on the street would you promptly murder me?
What about if I had a few drinks? What if I was walking alone at night?
I’m guessing that you wouldn’t if you’re a sane individual.

The cops wouldn’t overlook your crime because of what I’m wearing because that’s silly. I wasn’t literally asking for you to kill me based on my choice of clothing. Who would take that defense seriously?

My friends wouldn’t blame me for being murdered and my killer would be behind bars almost instantly.

So, why is it okay to rape someone because they’re wearing promiscuous clothes? Why does THEIR choice of clothing excuse THEIR attacker?

It doesn’t. You’re silly if you think otherwise.
The less guilt on the attacker. The more guilt on victim.

Stop. Victim. Blaming.

Holy fuck. This guy gets it. 

Yep.

Damn Right.

Yup. Spot on. I hate the suggestion that there’s some mysterious amount of flesh which once displays causes a man to lose control of his ability to not rape someone. What I find particularly disturbing about that idea is that it implies that men are constantly fighting the urge to rape. That men are naturally and instinctively rapists and that women covering themselves up is the only thing that can possibly keep their urges under control. That is just plain bullshit…if you’re a man and you ever find yourself struggling with the urge to rape then you are mentally ill and you need to seek help.

jonathan-cunningham:

evilteabagger:

I often hear the argument “Don’t tell women what not to wear, tell men not to rape.”

I think this is retarded.

People (yes people, it isn’t just men) who rape are not the kinds of people who work well with logic and reason. I mean, they’re fucking raping people. Telling a rapist not to rape is like telling a murderer not to murder. I think we could achieve much better results by teaching people how to 1. Avoid situations where rape is possible and 2. what to do in the event of someone trying to rape you.

Call me crazy but this sounds like a much more plausible solution than trying to talk it out with the nation’s rapists.

I’m ignoring most of the trash, but Mr. Kelly raises an important point (admittedly, it’s only by mistake)- why would telling criminals not to commit crime be different in the case of rape than it is in the case of homicide, or larceny?

The answer is that many rapists don’t understand that they are rapists. If you ask people, “have you ever raped someone,” the answer will overwhelmingly be in the negative. However, if you ask questions like, “Have you ever had sexual intercourse with someone who did not want you to because they were too intoxicated to resist?” or “Have you ever had intercourse with someone by force or threat of force?” then the answer drastically changes.

Thomas at Yes Means Yes has the run down on the numbers, but Amanda Hess has some important insight into the data:

What does this mean about our “accidental” rapists?

a) The vast majority of acquaintance rapes are committed by the same people;

b) These people don’t see themselves as “rapists”;

c) They are, however, able recognize that they regularly threat, force, and intoxicate women in order to have sex with them.

When we say, “teach rapists not to rape,” we’re not saying to sit people down in a room, look them sternly in the face and say “do not rape anyone,” we’re advocating teaching people from a young age about the concept of consent, how important it as, and that any sexual interaction without consent is rape. 

As far as avoiding situations where rape is possible, 26.6% of all rape occurs in the victims’ home, another 30.9% occur in the perpetrator’s home [PDF], and 45% of all rape victims were family or friends with their assailant, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics. How do you think these people feel when they read people on the internet saying how we need to teach women how to avoid situations they can be raped in? 

THAT COMMENTARY YES.

That time I was a good blogger, and made things re-bloggable when asked.

youdontlooklikeafeminist:

About rape, obviously I see that if a girl is too drunk to give consent to sex it counts as rape, but what about if the guy is also just as drunk? It doesn’t seem logical, if two people get drunk and have ill-advised sex, for one of them to be suddenly a rapist and the other a victim, instead of two people who did something silly while they were drunk. Just thought I’d see where you stand on that.

[TW: Rape]

Here’s the thing about drunk sex.

I have it sometimes, you know? People do that. But EVERY time people engage in drunk / intoxicated sex, they are walking on THIN. FUCKING. ICE.

If you’re mackin’ on someone who’s been drinking / doing drugs, if they’re drunk AND you’re drunk, you’d better be extra fucking sure that consent is vocal, enthusiastic, and positive*. If it’s there, if 2 (or more!) people get a little tipsy, a little randy, and mutually and excitedly decide on a bang-a-thon, that’s great - that’s not “ill-advised sex.” If it’s not there, if you can’t tell or you’re not sure, don’t fucking do it.  Please be extremely careful not to conflate those 2 circumstances, as they are wildly different in context. One is fun and sexy for BOTH/ALL people involved (that’s the important part - see the trend? It’s only awesome if EVERYONE is into it), and the other is extremely serious and fucked up. Drunk people can still take advantage of other drunk people. Drunk guys can still rape. Being wasted isn’t a get out of guilt free card. It’s ALL ABOUT CONSENT*, drunk or sober, and the second one person ignores (willfully or in a drug/alcohol induced stupor) the lack of consent of another person, that’s when stops being “something silly” as you put it, and becomes rape. If someone can’t discern consent while drunk / using drugs, they definitely shouldn’t be engaging in sex with anyone.

<3 youdon’tlooklikeafeminist

*There are loads of people who feel that true consent is impossible if people are intoxicated. 

I make it a policy, when I and another party have been drinking and are tipsy/drunk, to check in and say “hey, we’re both drunk, this ok with you?” or something of the sort, and wait for enthusiastic and verbal consent. Seems to work well for me.

permutationofninjas:

I’ve seen a statistic come up a few times. For those people not familiar with it, it goes something like this: ”One in twelve college-age men admit having fulfilled the prevailing definition of rape or attempted rape, yet virtually none of these men identify themselves as rapists.”

Much like…

This entire analysis goes off the premise that getting someone intoxicated so that you can have sex with them is not rape just because it is not the legal definition in the state in which the study was done. Too bad: that is still rape. Thus this entire post is pointless, and actually does more to show the role of law in perpetuating rape culture than show that commonly cited rape statistics are false.

Just finished watching “Seeing Red”

I’m as huge a fan of Spuffy as any ship-happy Whedonfreak, but why? Why am I not repulsed and disgusted (as much as Buffy herself is, at least) by his blatant disregard for her stated boundaries and eventual attempted rape? It was obvious this would come at some point because of his increasingly appalling behavior, but why do I still hope for his redemption and squee over him like a fangirl?

Why are people attracted to characters like Spike who are obsessive, stalkerish, disrespectful of boundaries, rapists, and sociopaths?

I’m sure that the love of abusive men in fiction is a well-discussed trope in feminist discourse. Links?

Edit: Dear god, I’m appalled at the kind of discussion of Spike’s behavior toward Buffy I’m finding in a quick google search.